


Whale, Whale, Whale

by crackficswithfriends



Series: crack cocaine [3]
Category: Free!
Genre: 50 percent off universe, Crack, Drug Use, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-03 01:15:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10232393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crackficswithfriends/pseuds/crackficswithfriends
Summary: Some underwater adventures lead to something a little more serious.





	

**Author's Note:**

> gary and misty wrote this one!

AU- The characters are in a submarine and a whale thinks it would make a hella mate. 

Characters-  (50% off) 

Rin- Shark teeth, really weird, drinks other people's’ sodas, has a /THING/ for Haru

Haru- jumps in fish tank for water, loves water, no emotion, many personalities,doesn’t like dolphins for reasons

Thug! Nagisa- Jail, blonde, funny, not dead, /DRUGS/ 

 

“Where the hell did you get a submarine?” Rin asked, mildly afraid to hear the answer. 

“Favor from Easter Dave,” Nagisa replied, “You don’t really wanna know the details.”

“Alright.” Shark boy™ replied, snooping at what Haro was doing. He assumed he knew how to run a submarine, because he was pushing a bunch of buttons, and looking /hella/ intense. 

Nagisa was smoking a weed.

“Is that a wEED?” Rin asked, 10/10 uncomfy.

“IT’S NOT A WEED. IT’S A WEEDS.” 10/10 not giving a shit. 

“Can I have a weeds?” Haru asked, not bothering to look up from his button mashing.

“You aren’t old enough for the weeds.” Nagisa replied, “What the fuck are ya doing over there anyway?”

“He’s obviously steering the submarine. Because, like, randomly pushing buttons is stupid. So he wouldn’t do that. Obviously.” Rin muttered, slowly trailing off. 

Nagisa gave Rin the  _ are you fucjing serios rn?  _ face and said, “Boi, Haru can’t even  _ read _ , what makes you think he cann drive a sub?”

Haru didn’t reply. Mostly because he wasn’t listening. He was intently pushing the button that had a picture of a whale on it (BC it reminded him of Makotot) He pushed the button like 2343269083 times. 

Rin came to the conclusion that Haru was probably high. He also assumed that Haru was pushing the wahle-y noise button because he missed that bitch Makoto and he flew into Jealous BF Mode.

“Hey. Shark week. Don’t, like, implode, a’ight?” Nagisa said. He was going to have nightmares from the look Rin had on his face TBH.

“You can’t tell me what to do.” Rin marched up to Haru, pulled him aside, and shoved his face into the Makokto button. The control panel BRO KE and the whale noises refused to shut up.

Rin stopped. Like. Everything. Literally, he fucking stopped breathing even, Well, partly because the weeds smelted so B A D, but also because he saw a fucKING WHALE APPROACHING THEM    W H A T     T H E     F  U  C   K. 

“Neat” Nagisa giggled and Rin cried in response.

“NOT   NE AT YOU IDIOT WE’RE GONNA DIE OHMY    GO     D       W       H        Y          ME?” 

Haru stauyed calm on the outside but in his brain, the many Haru’s were screaming as teh death sirens whaled. 

The whale was, like, being whale-y. Like, it was making whale noises, and swimming in a whale sort of way, that was obviously only a thing a whale would do, because whalez are hella odd, and do whale stuff, so this was obviously a whale, not a weirdly large fish, or submarine or shark thingy. 

“Whale, whale, whale,” said the whale. 

_ Nice,  _ Nagisa thought. He decided he needed to cash in favors from Easter Dave more often because s hi t he wanted whales to talk all the time. And by whales, that didn’t mean Mokato, he didn’t know hoe to shut up. 

The whale looked offended. And mildly turned on? How….? Alright…… 

“Did you know some whales have 10 feet long dicks?” Haru whispered, kinda horrified, but also.

The sub was silent before Nagisa burst into laughter, “Holy shit,     N I   C    E.” 

That was the end for Rin, he didn’t want to live anymore with the knowledge that his friend??? was turned on by whale dicks. He spontaneously combusted. 

Ew. There was blood and weeds everywhere. And a……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

  
  
  


Whale dick??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

On the window???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? 

Nagisa was Extremely Turned On™  

  
  
  
  


So was Haru TBH.

  
  
  
  
  


And the window exploded due to the forceful thrusts of the whale dick .

They drowned. 

But Haru drowned happily.

Because he was surrounded with water.

And water is his kink.

 

Nagisa died happily cuz he drowned with his weeds. 

And whale dick. 

  
Happily ever after. 


End file.
